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Robert Van Handel would run his hands up and down the child's body as he stretched prrsonals his lap, Walkman headphones on his ears, pretending to be asleep. The recollection appears in a page "sexual history" written by Van Handel, a defrocked Franciscan cleric who is accused of molesting at least 17 boys, Secret personals women New Orleans Louisiana his own 5-year-old nephew, local children in his boys' choir and students at the seminary boarding school where he taught.

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The essay, penned for a therapy assignment and kept Aguilar CO horney women for years, provides a shockingly candid and detailed window into the troubled mind of a notorious pedophile priest.

The narrative is believed to be the first of its kind to be publicly revealed through civil Secret personals women New Orleans Louisiana despite years of lawsuits targeting sexually abusive priests. Most confidential files unearthed in court cases only hint at the existence of Orleasn histories, which are a common part of therapy meant to be seen only by the priest and his womwn, said attorney Jeffrey Anderson, who has handled more than 2, church abuse cases.

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The accused priests fought unsuccessfully to keep their documents private in a battle that went all the way to the California Supreme Court. The Associated Press obtained more than 4, pages, including Van Handel's "sexual history," from a plaintiff's attorney last week.

Van Handel's account, Secrwt between and during his treatment at Pacific Treatment Associates in Santa Cruz, is corroborated by letters, victim interviews and court papers from his file. A probation officer also cited the narrative in a sentencing report. In the essay, Van Handel — who was himself molested by a priest at age 15 — traces his perilous descent from a Sdcret repressed pre-teen terrified Furman-SC sex chat puberty Secret personals women New Orleans Louisiana a serial pedophile who handpicked his victims from the members of a prestigious boys' choir that he founded.

He Secret personals women New Orleans Louisiana mortified by his crimes but also entranced by them: He describes his "most beautiful" victim, a tanned and tow-headed child Nww seven, and talks about molesting a persnoals of brothers and taking nude pictures of the youngest sibling that were "quite artistic.

I took some photos of him tied up with a big rope," Van Handel recalls of the 7-year-old. The priest would fondle his singers under the guise of tickling games or back rubs during one-on-one choir rehearsals.

He had Secret personals women New Orleans Louisiana boys play dart games that ended in sexually charged wrestling. He rubbed the genitals of high school seminary students in their dorms and photographed young boys in the shower on a choir trip to Europe. Terrified of being caught Van Handel seems Swinging clubs in vancouver bc of how serious his actions are and rarely expresses regret except to describe his paranoia when he thought he would be caught.

Instead, he focuses on his own emotional needs in a rare moment of self-reflection. Van Handel, now 65, is a registered sex offender in Santa Cruz County. He Sex Dating Winamac Indiana not return messages and his attorney, Robert "Skip" Howie, said he would instruct him not to comment.

Howie said the disclosure of the private medical document will Louissiana the Secref identification and treatment of offenders. Seeing the document has been both painful and cathartic for those who recognize themselves in its pages.

Secret personals women New Orleans Louisiana victim said Van Handel's memories match perfectly with his own, despite the priest's vastly different perspective.

We had spoken the truth," said the man, one of the brothers molested by Van Handel. He requested anonymity to protect his siblings, who are not ready to speak publicly.

The priest begins by describing a lonely childhood with an authoritarian father who moved the family five times before Van Handel turned seven.

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The family of seven finally settled in Orange County when Van Handel was Womeen age Canungra fuck buddys, Van Handel's father Secret personals women New Orleans Louisiana him to read a sex education book that terrified the young boy.

He dreaded the onset of puberty, when he imagined sexual urges would be like "poison candy," and prayed to remain a child. The next year, he entered St.

Anthony's, the Franciscan junior seminary oLuisiana Santa Barbara, to escape his father and his own sexual anxieties. Instead, the young seminarian was molested by a priest as he lay in the infirmary.

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The priest told Van Handel that the molestation would draw out his fever by making him sweat. He discovered pornography near his college seminary and purchased magazines featuring naked children.

He used a telephoto lens to take pictures of young children splashing in the campus fountain and bought photography books featuring nude boys. Inhe moved to Berkeley to pursue qomen master's degree and started a boys' choir for local children.

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There, he molested a boy of about seven, apparently his first victim. Around the same time, he Secret personals women New Orleans Louisiana his 5-year-old nephew. Van Handel tried on two occasions to address his blossoming pedophilia by talking to a Franciscan counselor, but he was so vague that the man never understood. In Loouisiana, Van Handel was ordained and was sent to St.

Anthony's, where he had been molested more than a decade Ne. The young priest hated the assignment and started another boys' choir as a release — and was soon molesting its members.

He preferred boys between the ages of 8 and 11, he wrote, and their parents always dropped their children off as requested because they trusted the priest implicitly.

Van Handel is detailed in his confessions, but seems oblivious to the damage he is doing.

He recalls his surprise when one of his Secret personals women New Orleans Louisiana frequent Xxx porno Minneapolis s a resisted him for the first time at age 11, after about four years of molestation. For the first time, I was seeing signs that he really did not like this," Van Handel writes.

InVan Handel saw an article about another boys' choir director arrested for sex abuse. It threw him into a suicidal depression. The priest revealed his sexual fantasies to a psychologist but "never gave him enough information to report me," he writes.

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In an attempt to reform, Van Handel dated three women, two of whom had wkmen in his choir. He slept with one of the women twice and was terrified she would get pregnant.

A shocking revelation Around the same time, Van Handel became rector of St.

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Anthony's and was assigned to investigate another priest accused of sexual abuse. He was shocked when he realized the priest's accusers — two brothers — were also victims of his. Inthe parents of one of Van Handel's victims wrote him a letter and copied in Louisinaa Franciscan leadership.

Within months, the priest was removed from the ministry. Two years later, Van Handel pleaded guilty to one count of lewd and lascivious acts with a minor and sentenced to eight years in prison. There were at least 15 other cases too old OOrleans prosecute, according to a police report. Copyright The Associated Press.

This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or Secret personals women New Orleans Louisiana. Convicted pedophile priest kept detailed diary 'Sexual history' narrative was written as part of a therapy assignment Below: This undated image provided by State of California Department of Justice shows former priest and convicted sex offender, Robert Van Handel, who was molested as a student at St Anthony's seminary school and then returned there as a priest where he molested Orleqns in Lokisiana choir.

It wasn't long, however, before Van Handel's fantasies became reality.

Secret personals women New Orleans Louisiana

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